The Currency of Love

THE CURRENCY OF LOVE

I was so surprised at the sound of some countries’ currencies when I learnt about them. For example Balboas used in Panama, Zloty used in Poland, Ringglets used in Malaysia, Colones (almost sounding like cologne) in Costa Rica, Quetzal used in Guatemala, Baht used in Thailand, Meticals used in Mozambique, etc. I might as well think that the Nigerian Naira does not sound as “tush” (Nigerian English meaning “great”) as the American Dollar and sounds as funny to you if you live in other countries. Funny as any of these may sound, no meaningful transaction can be carried out in those countries without their legal tender. I guess that makes all the difference.

Transacting the Business of Love

Most of us claim to love or be in love, but are not transacting the business of love with the legal tender that is required. Love is business and must be run with the currency adequate.

I hardly write about love. There are too many “experts” on the subject, but few students, and I think it must be the other way round. We are all, and must be students of love, because the more we know about love, the more we need to know.

 If you are single and/or newly- wed and are having the best time of your life. I am happy for you and truly wish that you continue to have the best time of your life with your spouse. But please, do not stick your nose in the marrieds’ business, seeing their faults, what they should have done differently, and how you would have done it if it were you. Do not think that you know all about love as to become the expert – the go-to-guy when issues of love are discussed. I don’t even think you should claim expertise of some issues in love until you are married.

I can assure you that, you know next to nothing about love in marriage.

I can also assure you that there is nothing as beautiful as a love-filled marriage.

I don’t have anything against you as a single or newly-wed, I only think, you, as all of us, still have a lot to learn. I’d rather listen to couples who have loved and lived together for several years, decades preferably, who have fought and settled, quarreled and settled, seen the thick and thin, and all that, and have overcome all, understood each other better, and are living the lessons they have learnt in their relationship – happily ever after.

Back to the currency issue

There are about three currencies I have discovered love spends. There may be more you know, but in my research, few years of experience in single-hood and marriage, these three I observe are sacrosanct:

1.     Love Undiluted:

In his epic book The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman emphasized that, if the love language of a spouse is not spoken, that spouse does not feel loved. He mentioned the following as the five love languages: Quality time, Receiving Gifts, Physical touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service. Your spouse feels you don’t love them enough if you don’t give to them love the way they understand it. Love undiluted must given from the perspective of the receiver in order for it to make sense to them. We all must learn to spend this currency adequately because we cannot over-spend it. It must be given as much and as often as possible.

I cannot claim to be good in this yet, but I make efforts to give quality time to my wife. Set aside my workstation (my computer), listen and talk to her, even though at times I just wish I can say “Baby, I know I have to spend quality time with you, but could you at least keep quiet for a while so I can think?” I realize I really do not have a choice. I have to spend that currency. I’m not there yet. It is a process, I know, and I’m working at it every day and so should you.

2.     Communication Unlimited:

We all know that communication could be verbal, non-verbal, etc. In corporate organizations it could be top-down or downward-up, vertical or horizontal. In everyday life, we know that body language or gesticulation could even be louder than verbal communication.

I remember as a kid. If we went anywhere as a family or with my mum, and we were given anything by strangers, we needed our mum’s affirmation (a nod we hardly ever got) to accept the gifts. No matter how much we’d have loved to avoid it, we still had to look at my mum’s face.

The most important thing spouses will ever do together perhaps will be - Talking together. When you have good times, talk about it. When you have bad times, talk about it. When you are confused, talk about it. When you are focused, talk about it. Talk about everything and anything that concerns you, because what concerns one, concerns all.

Truly, your partner may not be the best advisor you’ve got, but talking helps to bind you together more.   

3.     Respect Unconditional:

That sounds like an irony right? Since respect has to be earned. But, you see, that is what the society wants us to believe. In relationships, respect does not have to be earned, it is given. If we were to continually weigh on a scale, we, all of us, will fall short of standards that should earn us respect at different times and in different circumstances, and that, is true.

If you have a spouse, someone you are in a relationship with, you must make up your mind to give them respect regardless of their worth.

This is especially more true of the need of men in relationships. Ladies love to love their spouses and that is a very beautiful thing to do. But as Dr Eggerichs confirmed in his book – Love and Respect, love is not the greatest need of man in a relationship. Men would rather that their wives respect them than that they love them. Don’t get me wrong. Both love and respect are very important in relationships, but they don’t truly mean the same to the man and woman involved.

For a single, unmarried man, it means so much to him that he is loved, at least, he gets to confirm that he is not contesting with anyone else for the attention of the person he loves, but with time, and as he gets married, he will soon find that, respect weigh more than love, because he can then begin to interpret actions and inactions of his wife in the light of respect and disrespect. Whao! That’s quite a bite. Chew on it. Ladies give more of respect to your husband, and he will give you what you want in return. And men, give respect to your wife. Love her and she will respect you.

If you find love, fund it.

I do hope this helps you today as you commemorate St. Valentine’s day, and further helps you to try to make sacrifices in your own way like St. Valentine did.