10 ways to deal with fears that confront you when you want to start anything

TEN WAYS TO DEAL WITH FEAR

In my recent posts, I engaged you on issues that I know you probably have struggled with for years. I know that the question of fear appears in many forms to different people, but, everyone “feels” fear. There is definitely something about which we all nurse fears.

For some, it concerns their relationships entering a new phase or with their spouses, for some their children, some their jobs, for some the interview they are to attend, so many their finance, others their visions and dreams, others an assignment they are given to deliver on, yet others projects they hope to commence. When you up the scale, many are afraid of death. I got to discover that the fear of public speaking is even higher than that of death.

And why shouldn’t we be afraid? When we count the cost of undertaking certain projects or look at how much it will cost to fund our dreams, fear will set in. Especially when we do not have examples of those who have succeeded in similar ventures around us, and when people express everything but faith in us to accomplish such dreams.

You must know that fear is valid. The very reasons for which you are afraid may indeed be potential threats to the success of the dream, you, however, will determine whether those reasons are strong enough to deter you or not.

There is no one who has achieved greatness who at one point in time or the other did not nurse some fear about that project, except the project is not worthwhile. They may have mastered the fear, but that they never had fears, I doubt. I have had fears too.

The first time I had a public speaking engagement as an adult, my God! Did I wish it ended as soon as it started? I’d always had public appearance in my local church, represented my school in debates, etc., as a kid, but of course, it was a totally different ballgame when I became an adult. Oh! Thank God there was a podium. I literally hid my hands behind the podium. They shook so badly I stammered along. It took about three minutes or so to stabilize, but those three minutes were the longest of my life.

Today I speak in conferences, seminars, workshops, etc., all over and I must admit that whenever I face a new set of audience, I feel some fear. In some cases I do not know enough of the audience even though I always make efforts to dig up some information about them. In some other cases, I am about the least qualified and youngest in the hall, and yet, I am the speaker or trainer for the day. Quite an ordeal sometimes, but I know better how to deal with fear now. The lessons I’ve learnt, and seen in others are what I will share with you now so you also can achieve whatever you want to not deterred by fear. This is not written in any particular order.

11.     Know that you are not alone, everyone feels fear. You are not the only one who is afraid. If you had a way of seeing through some people’s mind whose faces appear so bold, you’d see that you are doing better than they are on the fear scale. This knowledge that you are not alone, sedates you, and kind of keeps you calm until you are better able to handle your ordeal.

22.     Be sure you have the capacity. When and if the question of capacity does not arise, fear can be easily arrested. This is what I mean, if you are good for that project, if you have what it takes to deliver, if you are qualified having worked on yourself to generate the needed capacity that is required, you will fear less. The only thing that bothers you at this point is competition. The confidence that comes from your capacity is enough energy to guarantee success. So I’d say, before you attempt to start the project, be sure you have the capacity, or better still, go build capacity.

33.     Re-channel the fear energy. Fear is a tool. It all depends on what you use it for. It is valid, neither good nor bad though, the user determines that. A pregnant woman once leapt over a wall when armed bandits visited their home, and she continued running when she landed on the other side, until help came her way. When asked how she did it, she had no idea whatsoever. She could not even have been able to climb three of the block layers ordinarily considering her pregnancy status. But fear? It is a tool. You can do with it whatever you think will give you the results you want. When fear comes on you, use it as a tool to accomplish your purpose – redirect the energy that comes with fear to your advantage.

44.     Practice, practice, practice. I do not know of anybody who is so good at what they do that did not practice for it. The thing is, when you practice, you reduce the potency of fear in you as far as that thing is concerned. Les Brown had been practicing behind the scene for his much anticipated debut on the radio. When the door finally opened, he did not have any doubt that he would deliver, and did he do it? If you practice for one hour every day on who you want to become, if you do that consistently for ten years, a research said, you’ll be among the first 10% of experts in that field in the world. Your rehearsal about what you want to do may have to take a mental shape. You may have to visualize it. If you look forward to building a house, you may not practice it physically, but you may start visualizing the whole process from sourcing the fund to getting the prototype, digging the ground up to doing the house warming itself. Never take for granted what good practicing will do for you. By the way, did they not say practice makes perfect?

55.     Believe you can do it. Actually you owe yourself this obligation. You must believe in yourself even if no one else does. The fact that you can think it means there is potential in you. Whatever you believe you can do, have the will to do, and set out to do, I do not know what earthly force can stop you from doing that thing. Fear is faith in the devil while faith is faith in God. No one can believe in you any more than you do in yourself. The way I treat people’s positive affirmation of what I do is at best, as a compliment. No one’s doubt does any damage to my dream, and so it must be with you too.

66.     Pep-talk yourself into doing it. Every morning you look in the mirror, who do you see? Oh! How I like taking a stroll! I spend enormous time talking to myself whether I’m doing a project or not because I will always need it. I pep-talk myself when I have to face an unfamiliar audience. I pep-talk myself when I am the least qualified among the speakers on a programme. I pep-talk myself when I get unconstructive criticism about my performance or my book. I pep-talk myself consistently as I make efforts to get better. When you talk to yourself, you create the energy that you need to succeed in whatever is concerned.

77.     Think of the success you’ve had with your previous endeavours. You know it’s really funny how quickly we forget when we are faced with a new task that we have achieved success with others in the past. The previous projects may look small now as compared with the current project but they were equally challenging at the time we were to carry them out. Whenever you are confronted with fear, refer your fear to the previous project you have done, and let fear know that since it couldn’t stop you from succeeding with those ones, it cannot stop you from doing this one.

88.     Talk to, or rub minds with those who have done similar things before. It is a privilege if you have around you anyone who has achieved similar feat as you aim before. Go talk to them, let them share experiences with you. Their testimony will inspire you and help mitigate the effect of fear on you. However, if you do not have any such people around you, you may need to try the next point.

99.     Talk to those who will inspire you. This is important especially coming from the angle of those whom you surround yourself with. If there are pessimists around you, I doubt if you will really do anything meaningful, but if you find people that are motivated, they are fuel to your fire. Spend time with them, their fire will ignite yours, and you will just find that, there is actually no fear.

110.                        Just do it. Do it afraid. Many a times, fear disappears or at least starts waning when we start doing something about which we were afraid. This is true because the things we fear are actually afraid of us too. You are proving to that thing that you can overcome it by attempting it. With your hands shaking and your knees knocking, start doing that thing. Did I say it’s going to be easy? Who cares. Let’s get it over with. Just do it, and do it while you are still afraid. Fear will naturally disappear as you make the attempts.

You will succeed.

See you.