Dealing with Betrayal
DEALING WITH BETRAYAL
The ruling party – PDP, had done what most political parties in
Nigeria do, share money (campaign funds) among their leaders for onward sharing
to electorates who would be wooed. Unbeknownst to them, most of the people who
had positioned as party faithfuls were actually fooling them. They never did
share the funds, whatever they did with them. I got to understand that one of
the governors had a shouting match with a politician who had been given some
millions to disburse but didn’t do that. Most of those politicians have since
left the ruling party to join the party of the moment – APC. Among other
factors, this was key to PDP losing so fatally in the just-concluded general elections
in Nigeria.
Organizations such as the military and big industrial players in
business, know the role that moles play.
A scout may be around, getting information for his boss, you may
or may not know, you may not even have that scout in your camp. That makes your
work of vigilance and monitoring easy. But what do you do when that mole is
planted in your organization as an employee, or gets enrolled in your military,
and occupies sensitive position that gives him/her access to sacred
information? (‘guess we can guess why the war against insurgency in Nigeria has
taken so long). You couldn’t even figure out that that is anywhere near
possible, and you are wondering how your competitors or enemies get to know so
much about your strategies. Just as you are planning to implement a strategy,
you find that your competitors are doing same or something similar that renders
your efforts futile. That is the doctrine of espionage.
As it is with organizations, so it is with individuals. There are
saboteurs around you my friend;
betrayers who never meant well for you, but
have been acting all along like they do; people who are out to frustrate you and
make sure you don’t recover until it’s too late. They are around; the fact that
you have not been hit yet does not mean that they are not planning.
Betrayers do not start out as betrayers. They start out as
friends, associates, mentees, close aides, husbands, wives, business partners,
employees, someone needing your help, someone posing to help you, etc, just
mention any kind of relationship, betrayers could come in that guise.
Usually they do all that is humanly possible to win your trust; to
please you and win you over. They do things for you that those who’ve been with
you for years might only contemplate; they go out of their way to please you in
every way. When you fault those who’ve been with you for years on certain
things that they do because of a newcomer, it could be that a betrayer has come
to outperform them and win your heart.
Next, they wait for the perfect timing to strike. They wait for
the opportunity to take advantage of you.
And finally they’ll hit you hard.
The model I described above may not be the same for every act of
betrayal, but I tell you, the intention of every one of them is the same: they
want to get what they want from you, and leave you high and dry when they are
gone. Period.
Someone may have disappointed you at one point in time or the
other as you also may have disappointed others. That does not make them
betrayers as much as it does not make you one. Betrayal is purposive and
intentional; betrayal is a willful action with no remorse whatsoever. If it
were to be disappointment, the disappointer feels remorse when he or she
understands what damage he or she has caused, but a betrayer? No. He got just
what he wanted from you, and got you where he wanted you. Or else how do you
explain a friend discovering that her best friend has been sleeping with her
fiancé? How do you explain a trusted nanny conniving with miscreants to abduct
the children that she is supposed to care for, and demanding a ransom from
their parents? How do you explain a child conniving with hoodlums to go rob his
parents? How do you describe a mentee of six years who suddenly found a way to
rob his mentor of intellectual property, and does so without
looking back on
six years of investment? How do you explain an aide who has served his boss for
ten years selling the secrets of his boss to enemies? How do you explain an
officer in the military who “sells” strategies to the enemies? How do you
explain a woman who deceives a man into marrying her and for eight years they
struggled to have babies but she never disclosed to him that she had no womb?
How do you explain a man whom it was upon marriage that the wife got to realize
that he was impotent? How do you explain a staff of an organization who collects
salary from competitors? How do you explain a Pastor who is transferred to head
a branch of a church, and gets there, removes the signboard of the church, and
takes over the church? Definitely not disappointment; there is only one word
that explains these: Betrayal.
We all have disappointed one another before knowingly or
unknowingly, but a betrayer is on a mission. He doesn’t want to disappoint you,
he wants to get what he wants from you and leave, that regardless of what or
how you feel. So, who do you really call your friend?
Everyone must take time out to assess who his/her friends are. I
believe these must be done often. As a matter of fact, I do believe that we
have to have circles of friends, and before someone can be called a close
friend of yours, you have to let that person pass the test of time and trials.
Anybody can claim to be your friend, but how long have you known them to
qualify them as close friends? How much of life have they been through with you
to so qualify them as close friends? Take this from me my friend, you can never
be as smart as the person who is monitoring you. You may take precautions, and
guard against carelessness, but if someone is out to get you, that one moment
when you let your guards down, may be the only moment you’ll ever live to
remember for the remaining days of your life.
Anyway, how do you handle betrayal when it happens?
See you next…
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