7 ways to deal with betrayal

SEVEN WAYS TO DEAL WITH BETRAYAL

This is sequel to an earlier post on the theme of betrayal. The reactions I got long after that post indicate quite well that there are many people going through betrayal than they would like to admit; there are many instances that are not quite explicitly so defined but have the appearance of betrayal. And to add, only a handful of writers have written on the theme of betrayal.

Like I did promise, this is the concluding part of my post on the subject of betrayal, and in this post, I will dwell on what you must do, should you feel betrayed. The first two are preventive while the remaining are curative.

First, like it is with every ailment, it is far better to prevent than to cure. Betrayal also has its own symptoms some of which I have already enunciated in the first post (please read the post if you missed it), when you start noticing the symptoms, subject them to test. Put the perceived betrayal on a kind of trial, let him prove his loyalty to you or otherwise. Although it will be difficult to conclude after few months whether someone is loyal to you or not, but you can at least reduce the impact of the action if it happens. The test will reveal to you whether you can count on the person like he/she wants you to or not.

Second, trust your instincts. Most times, we have a feeling, a hunch or whatever you want to call it about someone, not sure though because there is no facts to prove our feelings, but we just know that something will go wrong if we keep on keeping with this person. When such feelings come over you, and it keeps coming back when you are with this person, please give that feeling the benefit of a doubt. You don’t have to be right, but at least you can protect yourself, and reduce your loss if eventually it happens.

Third, this and other methods discussed below are palliative measures. Talk to someone about it. Debrief your betrayal experience with someone else, someone perhaps who has gone through times of betrayal before. Talking to someone always helps to relieve us of whatever pain we bear.

Fourth, evaluate the betrayal – the basis for it, the loss it has brought you, the pain you bear and so on, and find if you can stomach it. However, if the loss is unbearable for you, and you can seek legal redress, you might want to take that option to at least give you a reprieve.

Fifth, consciously let it go. Yea, you read it right. Let it go. I know I am asking for the impossible, but you’ll agree with me that, when betrayal occurs, the betrayer is waiting for you to fight back, but you are too shocked most times to even know what to do. Sometimes you’ve got to let things take their course. No evil goes unrewarded. Things will always catch up with people, I think they call that nemesis, right?

Sixth, continue to do good unto others. This is another impossible, I know. The most immediate reaction to betrayal is to redefine our relationship with others, everyone inclusive. That is human. But you can do the super-human. Continue to do good unto others. As you continue to show kindness, care and concern to others, you’ll relieve your pain faster and get more reward for doing good. Like I said earlier, your betrayer is expecting a fight back, don’t give it to them, rather give good unto others.

Seventh, pray, seek the grace to release the person from your mind. The best ways to deal with betrayal are nothing that any human will be able to do just like that, we need the help of God. Pray, and seek the grace to release the person from occupying a space in your mind. This is the point: if you hold something against someone, you are the one who suffers the pain, not them. So, the earlier you can let that person off the space they occupy in your thought and mind, the better for you. Your thought life, your health, and everything else just improves, and you become a better person after all.

See you.